Untittled

I know I’ve been saying for a long time now that “I can’t wait until I am 18”, or “I can’t wait until I get to college” or “I can’t wait to disconnect myself from the people that causes me unnecessary stress and pain.” But really will I be happy then? I’m hoping with me disconnecting myself from people that causes me stress (which is the main reason I feel the way I feel) I will gain success… I’m hoping. I mean it’s only logical. Right? I feel like if I can have total control over the issue or my life; then I will be happy. Because all the fault would, will be on me. I know it sounds like I’m blaming people for making me feel the way I feel. But I’m not; I’m just at this standstill of realizing I’m T H I S close to making my own decisions. I just want to make the right ones.

-Things to say are easier to write down then to say. Let’s express ourselves by writing.

Insight of what going on in my life...

VIA txt msg..


"DJ-boo

Blogger- hey wat you doin

DJ- nm tired. wbu?

Blogger- same. my head n throat still hurts

DJ- whats wrong?

Blogger- iono. i think over did it with my body. i might be too stressed right now. iono wats wrong. the doc told me nothing was wrong. but im really hurting.. bad

DJ- you need rest

Blogger- i cnt be missin' school, im on a mission! you already know this... i cnt give up

DJ- lol yeah i know chirl. what yu got to do tomarro

Blogger-Take a test n present a project. N hang with "her"... Maybe depending on how im feeling. Ugh.. DJ im just tired of people n im tired of my struggles. I feel like im achieving little by little but not making a real difference. I feel like reaching my goals but at the same time i want to say fuck it... "

Fuck This

As you grow up life gets more and more stressful. Striving to succeed and the stress behind it, our government believe it or not has made controlled substances to keep us suppressed. Ugh... Drugs = Success... Fuck this shit
When I get enough money... I’m moving to an island. And I will be Chilling with the locals; Simple peace is where I will stand. Fuck this stress. I just want to live peacefully… is that too much to ask?

Where is she..? (like really...)

I deserve a nice girl to treat me right. But where is she at? I feel like everytime im really FEELING a girl (like she's the one) something mess up or someone beat me there. WHERE ARE THE SINGLE LADIES AT? (That have there shit together...?) I don't think im going to find it in high school. DAMN college is soo far away. NO time to play.

I wana GIRL like: (me) i want her to breathe me,hold me, respect me, pray with me,cook like me, rhyme like me,cry like me, be strong like me, DO ME! U FEEL ME? so we can become one with one anotha and togetha as we are strong...as one.. =] Im lookin for a girl tht(s): -cool -chill -doesn't tripp on the small things -down to earth -smart -has goals -she can be herself around me -good personality -pretty,stylish,likes to look good etc.. -can make me smile -loving -caring -athletic body type -fem!!!! -some studds -dosen't care what people think about her sexuality -has some sense of faith (^^very picky^^) Basically, I would like to meet a pretty girl without an attitude. (seems like im drawn to that for

Is That Really Hard To Find....?

Fuckin' JOY KILLz (can't stand them)

man.. I'm like 50% happy.

My grades are exceptionally well, but when it comes down to the sadness of it all; it just kills my joy repeatedly , over, and over again. I hate this feeling. I thought doing what makes me happy, would make me happier. It made me more successful and less stressed. But now I see that I'm depressed. I got to get away from these people. These People are my joy kill. I just wanna be happy and live. I've changed the things to make me more successful, now I have to change where I live so I can be... distressful.....(PEACE)

Serious Mode..

off subject-....

i hate it when im showing my all and the other person dsnt see it..
Loneliness is starting to bring miseries. I dnt wanna mess around; and still have memories. I guess this is how it was meant to be. You, just a tease to my, imagination my... Miseries. I really want you in my arms. That would solve my misery. But I can't have all of you.. That's the cause of my miseries. And I know I would put up a fight. But it seems like darkeness is brighter than light. This is a loosing game. I should of thought twice... befor I got in the game.
THE END..?

Agenda For The Week !! !! !!

1. Cash the mooolahhhhh!!
2. Buy some blunt wraps! MAngO.. and something else
3. Get the cannabis
4. Go Home..
5. Roll Up
6. Clean Up
7. Smoke
8. Eat
9. Sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. Aye!

Wednesday

1. Go to the HooKAh Bar !!!! (Another thing marked off my list!)
2. Blaze up!
3. Go home
4. Eat
5. Sleeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Aye!

Thursday

1. Chill/Talk with someone
2. Go Home
3. Study
4. Blogg
5. Sleep?!!!

Friday

1. YEah i have a job sooooo...
2. Maybe..Clubb if possible (I already had enough fun! time to cool that out!)

Sat

1. repeat #1 from Friday

Sunday

1. I wanna Go To CHURCH!
2. And only church I really like going to SPBC (Saint Paul's Baptist Church, Richmond,VA all dae! is where the Saints come to play ! you heard!)

But imma try and go with a friend, to hers and see if I like it enough to go again, and again, and again...

Hhmmm. you might be saying "All Churches are the same!"

yes in a way.. But this is what I look for

• When im in church I like to feel like they accept ALL no matter what you do, bc we all are children of God. (no matter what you believe in) ((And who are they to say that you arn't welcomed. ))
• They not trinna get your money! Because you are not getting all mine! (I have bills to pay.. you feel meh)
• The Preacher of whome ever is at the alter that day, Has a POWERFUL message he/she wants to share
• I come to church to up lifted! and, I expect that everytime!
• They have to have good music.. (c'mon, none of this non-singing mess like you wont trinna be there in the 1st place)
• A church that reaches out to the youth, and talks about REAL stuff that we go through. (dnt sugar coat it)
• TRUE CHRISTIANS (not them one's that act one way while your there, and when you get out act another way... I mean im not ashamed of myself so I will act the same way I do out in public. GOD see's All ain't NOOOO use for frottin'... but dnt get me wrong there is a TIME n a PLACE! for everthing.)
• A church that does not critisize NON-Christians.. As Christians WE are supposed to spread the WORD! To help out our MAN KIND! (This does not mean HARASS THEM! with what you believe in. Just Let them know what it is that your about! and HELP THEM along the way with there issues, THAT'S WHAT WEEEEE supposed to do! As Christians)
• Most of all, A CHURCH THAT's For the em-betterment of the people. (Not trinna act like they themselves dnt sin.. A sin is a SIN. WE ALLL are SINNERS! so dnt try to act like you are Holy-er than Thou n don't do anywrong! oh and another thing)

Fucking Awesome Day..

It started off rocky, but I prayed alot! So I was in for a great day. For some reason today I was hella hyper! Idk wat wats up with that lol. Then I was due for work.. After school. Yeah I was a bit tired; But I was still hyper so it really didn't matter :D. Ohkay-getting to the BEST PART! I came to work looking a mess because I didn't care what i looked like. I mean If it isn't gnna be anyone cute their then... Imma be whatever! lol. Okay, so around 6:00 I was rolling silver wear..
Andd this cute thuggy guy (he seems nice, and ion even like that for real, for real.. But imma give em' a try for a few..to see how long he gnna last lol!) is smiling and looking at me.. So im like, what? Do he not know I look a mess right now , and acting hella WERID/CRAZY! (in my mind im like I think he just see's this BOOOtah lol..fyi he ainn getting it.. but if he was a girl.. Now that's a different story :D) SO he comes over and he's like
"So wats gud widd the number?"
Im like
"yeah, you can have it."
and I walk away.. I had to think about that.. that's why Iwalked away lol!

but.... Yeah in some weird awkward way that made my day even better than what it was.
Im not hopping something will come out of this (him getting my number) because im not expecting anything.

Another Relationship Lost

Ughh.. I can't say im really disappointed, because I admit it's my fault I let her go. So I just need to deal with it. I miss talking to her though. Ahh.. I think it's about to be that time of the month because im starting to get really sappy.
-
But any who.. on the bright side I shopped a lil bit, my hair smells like cherries (accident!), and thats about it.. other than the fact that I found out some information.. Disturbing if i wanna call it that. Idk I still have to get my thoughts together on how I want to phrase it. WWJD ? He would help. lol.. So I will

The Start of this New Year..

I've gotten broken up with. Had a spiritual awakening. I've started to realize what I truly wanted to do with my life and i've found out why i'm here (as in why GOD put me here)... and Im not trying to act like im holy-er than thou because im NOT. I sin just like the next person. And just because I feel passionately about females dsnt mean I can't have a life with Christ. I know im blessed God has shown me so; and I TRULY believe!

Mysteries in it's form

Man wat kinda power does this chick have over me? Something isn't right but I keep coming back. Is it because she is beautiful and hard to say no to? Or is it that I just dnt care and my consciousness doesn't care to see and realize wats going on. They say curiosity killed the cat. I'm Blessed so I believe that my Lord and Savior will protect me.