Friday the 27th...

Good day. Spent time with the bf. after he left. This girl called me up and said she wanted to kiss me... (peer pressure) So i was doing my best to say No! b/c thats cheating... But I said she could come over to hang. any-ways one thing lead to another touching, grabbing (basicly i almost got it :D) started kissing (neck,stomach,lips)like nobodies business.(it was kindas steamy :D).. And after that i was like ohhhhhh shit! if you tell someone im
Soooooooooo dening it! she agreed and said the same.

Great so that weekend we were inseperateble on the phone. Now im hella worried cuz she like's me a lot..... And i told her sorry, but i just can't do it. She said okay but she still gnna flirt with me... (mk??)

-I got my self in a problem


.... And today im still fucking up
April 1 2009 I had a merry ol' time with her again... lets just say boobies...!! :D

More Relationship iiSUES...

I feel that my bi-ness is getting in the way of my relationship with my bf. And I admit it it kinda hurts. I want and have him,, but I think he is getting the hunch that I want more than him. Which is kinda true but I don’t carry out my cheating actions. Now I feel horrible that he thinks about moving on. Damn. It’s like I’m torn between randam meaningless girls that I just want to fuck and him. This is like one of those moments I wish that I was straight. <--yeah that sounds like I’m hating who I am but I’m not! I just want to be true to him more than physically but more mentally which is the problem to start with. This shit is depressing.

Update!!

Hey World Good News.... I HAVE A j O b
$6.85
kinda suxz but its money by the hour and im cool with that.

What's NEw with me i bet you wanna know... uhm nothing really. Same ol' ish just a different day/month w/e...

Pretty boring... Mhm...

Shutting Down Myspace...And Facebook

Reason it seems that drama always comes from it....
But hey if any of yall wanna reach me check me on DL or aim

Oh another thing laptop is no more its shattered into pieces literally.

Great! Right! :D <--Sarcasm

Broken fate, Broken dreams….Emotions

I’m not really big with words so it’s kind of hard for me to explain how I feel right now. I feel a bit distressed and loss with no way out. Like a rat trapped in a cage thinking of the better days that I have had not feeling this way that I do. Wassup? Why am I ever satisfied? Is it because I settle for less? Is it because I know greatness is about to come? What ever it is I hope it gets fixed or comes forth. I hate feeling this way…. I feel that I wake up with another day another problem. Nothing to look forward to. Boyfriend yes. But I still feel alone. Yes I do know lots of people but do we click..? No. I rather be a loner than be with them. At least im happier. With no motive of getting up equal laziness. Laziness equals no money no joy. What a horrible sin. Ugh. Someone help me help me. I’m getting and going nowhere fast.

....My plans....My iiSUES

“Life is a struggle when you live in hell.”
-Your blogger

14 months to go till high school ends, and real life begins. I can smell the independence coming like the rain needed on a hot summer day. Oh yes it’s needed, indeed.

Plans After High School:
Wake Tech – Criminal Justice (2yrs)
Military – Naval Reserves (They pay for my schooling and I get paid also)
Job – wanting to at least make $12.00/hr to survive (So I might have two jobs… I got shit to buy!)
I should have enough money to get an apartment (rent $700+)
Granted income – $900 (b/c I just have it like that… As long as I stay in school)
Car insurance – You know what? I just might be that damn cheap that I won’t have it… (That shit is expensive!)

P.S

I know it’s going to be hard work and with a little bit of faith and lots of praying plus hope I should be good… But I’m up for the challenge. Because I’m Sick of the bullshit! My plans are realistic so it should work out.
I don’t understand why all of the misfortune falls on me. I mean shit I don’t start anything; I’m for ever nice and smiling on top of that. I give God praises. I never get in trouble with the police or in fights, school or anything horrendous of that matter. I don’t even sneak out or smoke weed (and EVERONE SMOKES), or live like an unruly teen. I’m practically in some ways a good girl!
Hopefully things will start ruling in my favor. It’s rediculas how shit happens to me and I just don’t understand how it comes about. Maybe it will get better and I will have success in the long run and all the people that have made my childhood a living hell will say “man I should have treated her right.” But any who enough of me rambling. Stay tune for more of Mii Liife iiSUES

Plans For Now:
Car by August!!!
Job – any where I can get it in. (shit I don’t care if I’m washing fucking toilets! ((eww)) Money is still green)
Continue to maintain healthy grades
Try to stay out of the house as much as possible! (I have noticed when I stick around some shit always happens)

So I’m scared for this chicks life!

She is soo beautiful inside and out when she came the US. She was on super model status and getting paid just about like one. We had a class together and we talked all the time (she’s straight) like last year in that math class. But then all of a sudden when I started seeing her again at my school she seemed a bit different. Not so super model-ish anymore. Not so skinny. Not so white girl-ish. She’s more “HOOD” now. “Omg” I said to myself. So I went up to her
Me-“Hey, wassup?”
Her-She says “oh nothing.”
Me-“Oh okay… You still modeling?”
Her-“kinda… I have to loose this booty.”
Me-“I’ve noticed lol…well I live right down the street… so we can work out.”

Her-“lol yeah that would be nice. But I’m smashing this Friday and I don’t wanna be just bones”

ME-“uhm… okay… So who you smashing is he cute?? Who is he??”

Her-“hell yeah. He’s a blood but im a crip so I can’t until I give my flag back.”

ME-“What? You Bang?? Omg. What happen? you was sucha good girl and your beautiful! Why? That’s dumb. You live in the suburbs! Please don’t let anyone mess up your face! Can you even fight?? I’m really concerned about you!”

Her-“I’m tired of the good girl thing. It happen when one of my friends asked me to be in the Bloods then for some dumb reason I got out because it was starting to get a lil bit out of control. Now I bang blue. But I think it’s stupid because all of my friends are bloods. And I can’t smash another gang member unless I’m in that gang.”

Me-“Wow….Well you should leave that alone and loose some weight and stop banging anything even if it means you have to move to start a new life. You of all people should not be doing this. You are too beautiful to get cut up or shot n die over anything or anyone! But on some real! Don’t let anyone fuck up your face! And all jokes aside don’t mess with any of it. ”

Her-“It’s hard not to. This is something I just can’t get out of. First drinking, drugs, now this I just can’t get out of it.”

ME-“You will get tired of it soon enough to the point that will really want you to wish you were never involved in it or even met the person that gave you the suggestion of being in a gang. Any time you wanna talk I will listen and try to help you. Okay? Just be good.”

Her-“Alright ill think about it. See yah”

Me-“ ii byeeeeee (with a hug and a smile)”

I’m seriously scared for her life. I really hope she rises above the influence of peoples false since of family and bad decisions. That shit can really kill her. And she is soo beautiful. I still don’t understand. I would never be in a gang. The only thing I can think of that is close to a gang that I would be in is the military. At least that shit is legal and safe to a certain extent.

Contenta con mi NOVIO!

I really appreciate my boyfriend. I really do. Among all of the things I complain about and think of getting with girls and even leading them on. I will never let him go. I love this guy. And I let him know that. Even though he thinks he isn’t that great he keeps me sane. And something to look forward

This Weekends party...

Can you say SUPA freak fest.

Nuf said


Moving on to the girl i was dancing with

Dude !!!
When she took off her shirt..(she still had a shirt on ((nothing happen))... Chill)
Her body made mine look like a weakling.
i needa get the ball rolling

YouTube...

So I got on youtube b/c I saw that My friend had a video posted in her blog of her doing her poetry thang.

I peeped it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1PxsFRuIXw

(watch it :D)

And i realized i haven't been on there in a LONG ASS MIN!
have 70+ videos but I just haven't been in the Vlogging mood.
This is more manageable. No Editing, or any of that time consuming mess.

So i'm thinking about deleting it

ehh. or maybe I will upload a video... someday?

So Today...

Half day

Went over bf's house to meet some of the fam.
His dad is very comical. Nice ppl.
His brother looks EXACTLY like him. Not so talkative.
His sister i see her like everyday so nothing special besides her room lol
his Dog growled at me. wass'nt feelin that.

Uhmm what else...

We watched movies and kinda went to sleep (my nap time around 2-3) and he kept me awake with kisses (sweet ikno)

I had fun

We talked about every single thing that was on my mind like EVERYTHING cheating to girls to us breaking up.
And I'm glad we had that talk b/c it saved our relationship :D (happy)

So My mind mow is on him and no otha... (Nice!)
can you believe it... prolly not

ur prolly saying
shoo the next girl she see's she gnna try n talk to her

and that may be the case
(dnt feel like explaining that^^)

and i will put a pic up to show y'all my wear

(yess yonni imma steal ur idea)

What’s up with the gay community at my school?

So this one time I had this incident with this chicka that I was pursuing at the time. But come to find out that she is a bitch and she feeds on drama. So we had a falling out and now we don’t talk.

So why is it when I try to talk to another girl at my school they just freakishly know the girl that I had problems with her and on top of that know the whole story? Like WTF.

I have a problem with that. That just kinda erks me a little bit b/c now when I wanna talk to a chick they will gnna bring up that situation. And I don’t like drama or getting angry with a person especially with her. It's not worth it and It’s just TOO MUCH.

About that Dominican Girl (Super Smile :D)

Shit I can’t start nothing with her sexy self (ahh man she sexy she got that imam gnna whip you until you moan kinda look… like cat woman :D) But the main point is I was talking with my bf about her since he is pretty good friends with her and we BOTH wanna do her lol. I can’t do anything cuz he is ON to me and knows something is up.

Oh and get this
He’s jealous…. (NiCe!)
So he does care about our relationship!
Even better! (<--That can mean MANY things)

Nice..Frustration...

When i get on the computer I immediately check myspace, facebook, downelink, AIM/email, and bloggs to see what's new.
(random^)

So I have applied to :

1)Food lion (and went to job fair)
2)Bed, Bath. & beyond
3)Cold Stone
4)Party City
5)Justice
6)Quiznos
7)2 Targets
8)Dollar General
9)Family Dollar
10)Dots
11)Pac Sun
12)Champs
13)Foot Locker
14)Wendy's
15)Life Way Christian Store
16)Panera Bread
17)The Fish Room
And NO ONE is HIRING!!!

Even typed up a nice resume as shown below:

Attributes: A quick learner and always eager to learn something new. Great team player and get along well with others. Also I am Motivated and Flexible.

WORK EXPERIENCE:
Café Kado
5311 S Miami Blvd
Durham, NC 27703
Telephone: (919) 941-9040

Title: Cashier/Customer Assistant/Inventory/Cook/Clean-Up
Responsibilities: Greeted and assisted customers through cash register sales by issuing receipts, refunds, credits or change. Answered customer’s questions about the different products that were offered. Responsible for maintaining stock and housekeeping of the store. Gained experience working with various coffee machines in the store.

iFantaic, LLC
105 Shalon Ct,
Apex, NC 27502
Telephone: (919) 387-6062

Title: Warehouse Inventory/Customer Assistant/Cashier/Computer Apps With Microsoft Excel
Responsibilities: Assisted Customers with purchasing iPod accessories. Created a spreadsheet for inventory in the warehouse to make sure an accurate count of inventory was maintained. Bag, box, or wrap merchandise and prepare packages for shipment. Maintained clean and orderly warehouse areas.

VOLUNTEER WORK:
Retreat Hospital
2621 Grove Avenue
Richmond, VA 23220.
Telephone: (804) 254-5100

Responsibilities:
Helped with passing out medication to patients. Assisted patients with moving around the Hospital, by pushing wheel chairs.





Ah man
iPRAY THAT I GET A JOB!

Or magically the places I applied for openings just appear out of nowhere!

OMG!!! The HOTTEST DOMINICAN CHICK IS...

YESSSS!
Man you just don't know Every since my sophomore year i've been wanting to get with that. OMG!

(picture is of a bi sexual flag)

My Relationship iSSUES

What’s the purpose of a relationship?
I mean you start to love the person but they take it for granted. In saying that you show them too much love.
Are we on the same page?
I don’t think so
I thought the purpose of a relationship was to show that you care for the person (that’s just me)

I don’t think this relationship will last long.
All I want is to be loved and to be happy.
Why is this so hard?
Why is he making this so complicated?

What am I asking for out of this relationship?
Guys are so hard to understand

Relationships make you vulnerable to the ones you love because you are just hoping that someone you truly care about can hear your problems and make them better.

Why do I bother?
Relationships never make things better
You are always hoping and doing things to make a person stay. This never helps in the long run. That shit hurts like hell when they leave.
Then you are left looking stupid because you put all your time, effort, energy, memories in a person you value for them to leave you.

I’m writing all of this because I am about to have a broken heart and it hurts to think of this.
But not yet there is still hope.

Idk. I guess I have to revaluate myself. To make this better.

(No there is no need to talk about this. You just might see me cry…)

- A distressed heart on the brink of breaking

Perfect Snow Day to COMPLETE my AGENDA..

So woke up happy because the my agenda was about to be complete.
Got the phone. Started to dial her number.... Then I started thinking... I can't do this to him I'm supposed to Love this guy ? And for me thinking about cheating on him is not love thats a slap in the face a betrayal of what we have.
So i put the phone down and called my cuz instead

Yes my consciousness got to me.... yes i have a soft heart

And I have come to realize I have a good thing going so why mess it up.