Man WTF...

This up comming Report Card is going to be HORRIBLE
I mean all "D's"
(I even got bad grades in easy classes)

Yeah I bet you can see me sweating through the computer now!!

Idk what imma tell my dad what happen
Geesh please give me advice and pray for me!!

Realization

So since I’ve had this Bloger or Blogspot I have had a lot of things to say!
I find this amazing how I can write full fledged pages if I truly wanted to. You know why? I can do this because, I can freely write about stuff that I actually want to write about. I like it better this way because there are no rules that I have to fallow rubrics or guidelines which makes it nerve racking to get your ideas out on the paper and your ideas to others like you would like to depict them to be.

I think my school should have a free writing class. Even though I’m not a skilled writer one day I will like to be but now I just simply like to write what ever I want to express.

Places I Want To Visit

1. Berlin (live)
- I have heard it’s very cheap to live there also they have cool things that I am attracted to as in music people and culture
2. California (live)
- Is basically the capital of gayness duh also night life party seen is great! (Has a warm climate) But very expensive to live there.
3. D.C (live)
- It’s close to my home town Richmond , VA also love the music & culture of the people. Gay seen is nice too!
4. India (visit)
-Different religions of India attract me to learn about them so why not go to learn about the religions
5. New Zealand (live)
- It’s beautiful and it would be a nice place for great relaxation (low stress)
6. Australia (live)
-Peaceful place plus beauty and low stress
7. Puerto Rico (visit/live)
- Culture, beautiful people, great food, just an awesome place

Realistic Media

As I log into my Microsoft word and write another thing about my life experience I have realized that the Media has a great effect on how we think and portray others. I know the media has a big impact on me as a young adult. To the Real World and to Daddy’s Lil Girls and everything else in between. My problem with the things on MTV are so unrealistic for average young people to have fame or to own there own shoe company with the help of your famous uncle. Yes you can say that I am a bit jealous or peeved that I don’t have those types of connections. All I’m saying is can we have a show on MTV having kids doing real life jobs and the struggles we go through. (I guess that is what the show Real Life is for.) Instead of showing us young people false hope of fame and richness being handed to you. I know when I turn 18 and out of high school I have a decision to make with jobs which I am going to have to work very hard to get so I can be successful, and it’s not going to be handed to me. So let’s just have realistic Media.

More Sappy stuff..

When I'm away from him (bf) I think about un-needed things like all of the worse things that could happen in a relationship.

I mean just can't help it.
I can't get my mind off of it.

why do think about the worst when I know we are doin well/good?

Ehh! I needa see my baby ;*

The thing that Depresses me the most is...

My dad not letting me live life!
Its not like I ask him can I do crazy shit like stay out all night till 5am or spend a night over my boyfriends house or go drinking and driving. Nope none of that is in my intrest. I want to do is vist a freaking collage and see if I like the damn thing shit!

Can I see what I want for myself!
I will never know what it is like untill I go.
Can he just stop holding my hand like im a little child. I mean MAN Come on! Im 17 and I think your susposed to vist collages if you want to, especially if you have chance of going there!

And its in the same freaking state.

I wish he'd stop being soo over protective!

(*help & advice is needed*)

Its all in the eyes..

So everyday like I always do I talk to my bus Buddie Ellianna (sp* on the name). SO this particular day she asks me if I'm stressed and I'm like yeah I am. (I'm thinking to myself, I wasn't showing that I was... How did she know? I mean I was doing the usual joking and acting goofy like I always do. So I was quite surprised that she noticed that.) I then asked her how did she know that I was stressed. She said that she could see it in my eyes. That really had me thinking you can't really hide your emotions with everyone, even if you are good at it. Cuz I am good at hiding emotions and she picked up on it like dust on the TV.

Hmm its all in the eyes...

SO!! THE BIRTHDAY!! JAN 12 :D

YESSSS!!

Im 17

and I'm almost legal

Even though i never do much for my bday

next year im going all OUT
I mean
-STRiiP CLUBz
-SEXY PEOPLE
-I mean im gnna have a WILDCRAZYTIME !!!

Also thts the year I graduate

2010!!!

Be on the look out cuz im starting to plan NOW!!!

What is love?

What is love?
Is it the fluttering in your stomach when you see his face?
Is love..
Smelling your sent at any giving random time?
Is love..
Making future plans to be together because we can see ourselves together?
Is love…
Can’t wait to be in your arms?
What is love?
I think I’m feeling this thing called “love”
Or am I just merely sprung off you?
What ever it is I don't want this feeling to ever go away

I write sappy crap like this when I’m on the monthly...

I want to see what is truly in your heart
I want to believe that we will never be apart
I know this will be a long walk but
Just help me believe in you in me
I believe do you; really believe?

Just thinking about the future vs. Reasons why I shouldn’t be a mothe

Just thinking about the future


We have had this discussion many times about me and him having kids, and many of those times I have said No; other times I have taken it into consideration maybe one or two it really depends on what is going in our lives. I have come to realize when you are in a committed relationship there are things that you will have to give up or make changes for the person you want to spend your life with. With saying that, someone is going to have to compromise with having kids or not having them...





Reasons why I shouldn’t be a mother

Major reason..
-I was traumatized as a kid
From that horrible experience this has left me a mean, cold hearted, selfish, depressed, just a mentally jacked up person!
Yes this how I feel and I would not put another person through my horrible experience as a child.

You see this is how I look at it being a parent is for bettering a child’s future and me with all my mental flaws will not do that very thing. It will only make more jacked up kids like me.

So I guess im better off not being a mother just a LOVER to some gender!

(*Also me being a bisexual & I just find it terrifying having kids)

....

I feel like I’m taking the initiative of searching all the ways to be independent and to be successful. And at the end of the day I’m still in the beginning and not going anywhere…

Ahhuhhhhhh!! I fucking hate fucking PMS!

All the emotions that come out of nowhere!
I swear every time monthly I always have to fight back emotions. These unwanted emotions always causes problems. It’s like your period is taking over you! Talking, and even making decisions for you! Ehhh! This is one part about being a girl that I don’t like.
Hmm… PMS?
Like wtf do this come from? Is it like some hormonal chemical? Don’t they have a pill for PMS?
I mean they have a pill for everything else.

In LOVE with two..

Could it be possible to be in love with two people?
I am. Im soo confused. Her passion his charm. I can't only pick one.
Leaving one hurt will only take out the best in me.
I wish this could be easier to choose which one; to continue, to be true to or be true with two.
only time will tell.
(old wrote this in oh8 just edited it)