Friday the 27th...

Good day. Spent time with the bf. after he left. This girl called me up and said she wanted to kiss me... (peer pressure) So i was doing my best to say No! b/c thats cheating... But I said she could come over to hang. any-ways one thing lead to another touching, grabbing (basicly i almost got it :D) started kissing (neck,stomach,lips)like nobodies business.(it was kindas steamy :D).. And after that i was like ohhhhhh shit! if you tell someone im
Soooooooooo dening it! she agreed and said the same.

Great so that weekend we were inseperateble on the phone. Now im hella worried cuz she like's me a lot..... And i told her sorry, but i just can't do it. She said okay but she still gnna flirt with me... (mk??)

-I got my self in a problem


.... And today im still fucking up
April 1 2009 I had a merry ol' time with her again... lets just say boobies...!! :D

More Relationship iiSUES...

I feel that my bi-ness is getting in the way of my relationship with my bf. And I admit it it kinda hurts. I want and have him,, but I think he is getting the hunch that I want more than him. Which is kinda true but I don’t carry out my cheating actions. Now I feel horrible that he thinks about moving on. Damn. It’s like I’m torn between randam meaningless girls that I just want to fuck and him. This is like one of those moments I wish that I was straight. <--yeah that sounds like I’m hating who I am but I’m not! I just want to be true to him more than physically but more mentally which is the problem to start with. This shit is depressing.

Update!!

Hey World Good News.... I HAVE A j O b
$6.85
kinda suxz but its money by the hour and im cool with that.

What's NEw with me i bet you wanna know... uhm nothing really. Same ol' ish just a different day/month w/e...

Pretty boring... Mhm...

Shutting Down Myspace...And Facebook

Reason it seems that drama always comes from it....
But hey if any of yall wanna reach me check me on DL or aim

Oh another thing laptop is no more its shattered into pieces literally.

Great! Right! :D <--Sarcasm

Broken fate, Broken dreams….Emotions

I’m not really big with words so it’s kind of hard for me to explain how I feel right now. I feel a bit distressed and loss with no way out. Like a rat trapped in a cage thinking of the better days that I have had not feeling this way that I do. Wassup? Why am I ever satisfied? Is it because I settle for less? Is it because I know greatness is about to come? What ever it is I hope it gets fixed or comes forth. I hate feeling this way…. I feel that I wake up with another day another problem. Nothing to look forward to. Boyfriend yes. But I still feel alone. Yes I do know lots of people but do we click..? No. I rather be a loner than be with them. At least im happier. With no motive of getting up equal laziness. Laziness equals no money no joy. What a horrible sin. Ugh. Someone help me help me. I’m getting and going nowhere fast.

....My plans....My iiSUES

“Life is a struggle when you live in hell.”
-Your blogger

14 months to go till high school ends, and real life begins. I can smell the independence coming like the rain needed on a hot summer day. Oh yes it’s needed, indeed.

Plans After High School:
Wake Tech – Criminal Justice (2yrs)
Military – Naval Reserves (They pay for my schooling and I get paid also)
Job – wanting to at least make $12.00/hr to survive (So I might have two jobs… I got shit to buy!)
I should have enough money to get an apartment (rent $700+)
Granted income – $900 (b/c I just have it like that… As long as I stay in school)
Car insurance – You know what? I just might be that damn cheap that I won’t have it… (That shit is expensive!)

P.S

I know it’s going to be hard work and with a little bit of faith and lots of praying plus hope I should be good… But I’m up for the challenge. Because I’m Sick of the bullshit! My plans are realistic so it should work out.
I don’t understand why all of the misfortune falls on me. I mean shit I don’t start anything; I’m for ever nice and smiling on top of that. I give God praises. I never get in trouble with the police or in fights, school or anything horrendous of that matter. I don’t even sneak out or smoke weed (and EVERONE SMOKES), or live like an unruly teen. I’m practically in some ways a good girl!
Hopefully things will start ruling in my favor. It’s rediculas how shit happens to me and I just don’t understand how it comes about. Maybe it will get better and I will have success in the long run and all the people that have made my childhood a living hell will say “man I should have treated her right.” But any who enough of me rambling. Stay tune for more of Mii Liife iiSUES

Plans For Now:
Car by August!!!
Job – any where I can get it in. (shit I don’t care if I’m washing fucking toilets! ((eww)) Money is still green)
Continue to maintain healthy grades
Try to stay out of the house as much as possible! (I have noticed when I stick around some shit always happens)

So I’m scared for this chicks life!

She is soo beautiful inside and out when she came the US. She was on super model status and getting paid just about like one. We had a class together and we talked all the time (she’s straight) like last year in that math class. But then all of a sudden when I started seeing her again at my school she seemed a bit different. Not so super model-ish anymore. Not so skinny. Not so white girl-ish. She’s more “HOOD” now. “Omg” I said to myself. So I went up to her
Me-“Hey, wassup?”
Her-She says “oh nothing.”
Me-“Oh okay… You still modeling?”
Her-“kinda… I have to loose this booty.”
Me-“I’ve noticed lol…well I live right down the street… so we can work out.”

Her-“lol yeah that would be nice. But I’m smashing this Friday and I don’t wanna be just bones”

ME-“uhm… okay… So who you smashing is he cute?? Who is he??”

Her-“hell yeah. He’s a blood but im a crip so I can’t until I give my flag back.”

ME-“What? You Bang?? Omg. What happen? you was sucha good girl and your beautiful! Why? That’s dumb. You live in the suburbs! Please don’t let anyone mess up your face! Can you even fight?? I’m really concerned about you!”

Her-“I’m tired of the good girl thing. It happen when one of my friends asked me to be in the Bloods then for some dumb reason I got out because it was starting to get a lil bit out of control. Now I bang blue. But I think it’s stupid because all of my friends are bloods. And I can’t smash another gang member unless I’m in that gang.”

Me-“Wow….Well you should leave that alone and loose some weight and stop banging anything even if it means you have to move to start a new life. You of all people should not be doing this. You are too beautiful to get cut up or shot n die over anything or anyone! But on some real! Don’t let anyone fuck up your face! And all jokes aside don’t mess with any of it. ”

Her-“It’s hard not to. This is something I just can’t get out of. First drinking, drugs, now this I just can’t get out of it.”

ME-“You will get tired of it soon enough to the point that will really want you to wish you were never involved in it or even met the person that gave you the suggestion of being in a gang. Any time you wanna talk I will listen and try to help you. Okay? Just be good.”

Her-“Alright ill think about it. See yah”

Me-“ ii byeeeeee (with a hug and a smile)”

I’m seriously scared for her life. I really hope she rises above the influence of peoples false since of family and bad decisions. That shit can really kill her. And she is soo beautiful. I still don’t understand. I would never be in a gang. The only thing I can think of that is close to a gang that I would be in is the military. At least that shit is legal and safe to a certain extent.

Contenta con mi NOVIO!

I really appreciate my boyfriend. I really do. Among all of the things I complain about and think of getting with girls and even leading them on. I will never let him go. I love this guy. And I let him know that. Even though he thinks he isn’t that great he keeps me sane. And something to look forward

This Weekends party...

Can you say SUPA freak fest.

Nuf said


Moving on to the girl i was dancing with

Dude !!!
When she took off her shirt..(she still had a shirt on ((nothing happen))... Chill)
Her body made mine look like a weakling.
i needa get the ball rolling